在黑暗中找到平靜的快樂 Finding the good in bad
相信自己。 要明白，這世界上，除了你，還有很多人經歷同樣的事情。因此，你不是其中一個，也不會是最後一個。你做得到！ 在爸爸離開前，我在FB上發了一個post抒發了自己的焦慮，結果，我一堆朋友在世界各地發來問候，然後和我說，因為疫情，已經很久沒有和爸爸一起育兒，也就是這樣，一路走來了。他們可以，我也可以。
Time flies; it is already the end of April. In Taiwan, it also means that summer is approaching.
In the past four months, we have experienced many dark parenting moments. But along the way, we are always trying to discover the light that leads us through the darkness.
In January, we learned that oma's health (grandma) in Germany had deteriorated. Considering that the pandemic is still very intense in Europe, our two children are still too young and many things. We decided that papa should go home by himself. This means that, including the quarantine time, we will not see him for a month. It also means that I will be "single-parenting" for a long time. It just so happens that F would be attending kindergarten during that time, and H would also start half-day at the daycare. So for our children, there will be a lot of significant changes. Honestly, I was really nervous even before my husband's departure. I worry that I will freak out when I am alone with the children due to tiredness and stress.
Unexpectedly, I "survived," and our children are relatively stable. How to do it? In fact, it's not really a "magic trick," just some "old" methods:
Trust yourself. Knowing that many people experience the same thing besides you. You are not the first one and will not be the last. You can do it! Before my husband left, I posted a post on FB to express my anxiety. Surprisingly, some of my friends replied and told me that they have been doing single parenting due to the pandemic. If they can, so should I.
Relax and accept imperfections. While we are doing parenting, there are always many other household chores to do. During that period, I keep my bottom line lower. For example, if I don't mop the floor after eating, it's okay; I can do it before bedtime. If I can not cook different dishes, then let's stick to the curry rice or pasta. If I can not washcloths every day, I wash them every other day. My role is "to be with the children as much as possible."
Stick to daily routines. Because papa is not at home is already a change for our children. I am very keen on sticking to the daily routine to provide security as much as possible. Because children attend classes on weekdays, our daily routines are very consistent; on weekends, our daily schedule is almost the same as when papa is here. Our weekend routines: We will go to the riverside park to skateboard, go to the zoo or go hiking near home in the mornings; Lunch and nap; Bake or art session in the afternoon; Take a bath; Prepare food and cook together; Dinner, video call with papa, read storybooks and go to bed.
Discover the little beauty in life together. During this time, my children's emotions are what I care about most. Although my children and I communicated a lot about their father's absence and reading picture books together to let the children realize this change, their emotions are real. I can only empathize with the children's feelings and explain them: Although sometimes we cannot change the situation, we can choose how to accept it. For example, sometimes, my elder son F will feel sad because he misses his father. I will empathize with his feelings and tell him that his father also misses him so much that he will do his best to return home as soon as possible. After F calms down, I will tell him that we can choose a happy mind to think about papa. For example, we will check out the moon from the window together, which is big and round like a smiling face, and it is the same moon that papa will see in Germany.
During this time, I sincerely thank my friends for constantly cheering me up; or arranging playdates for our children. It does matter to me as I never felt lonely during the single-parenting journey.