在黑暗中找到平靜的快樂 Finding the good in bad
一轉眼，四月已經接近尾聲了，在台灣，也意味夏天快到了
在過去的四個月，我們經歷了很多黑暗的育兒時刻。只是，在這一片又一片的黑暗中，我們2+2不斷地去發現那小小的光，發現快樂和發現心中的平靜。
在一月的時候，我們得知，遠在德國的oma（奶奶）身體情況惡化。在考慮到歐洲疫情一直在燒，兩個小孩子也還小，機票難定，防疫酒店價格昂貴等一系列的因素。我們決定，爸爸自己回家看奶奶。這就意味，連同隔離，我們將會有一個月的時間見不到爸爸，也意味著，我會有很長的一段時間"一帶二"。 這段時間，也剛剛好，因為哥哥要升班到幼兒園，弟弟要開始半日托。所以在孩子的心裡，會有很大，很多的改變，也許甚至成為壓力。
老實說，在爸爸回德前幾天，我真的很緊張，不是因為怕無法獨自帶小孩，而是很怕這幾週下來，因為累，我會很容易爆掉，親子關係會緊張。孩子
還好，出乎意料，那幾週下來，我"活"下來了，而且孩子的情緒也還算穩定，怎麼做到？ 其實真的不是什麼"神奇招數"，只是一些"老生常談"的方法：
相信自己。 要明白，這世界上，除了你，還有很多人經歷同樣的事情。因此，你不是其中一個，也不會是最後一個。你做得到！ 在爸爸離開前，我在FB上發了一個post抒發了自己的焦慮，結果，我一堆朋友在世界各地發來問候，然後和我說，因為疫情，已經很久沒有和爸爸一起育兒，也就是這樣，一路走來了。他們可以，我也可以。
放寬心，接受不完美。 在育兒的路上，家裡總有很多其他雜事要做。比如說做飯，整理家裡等等。我把我的底線壓得更低，比如說，吃完飯沒有拖地，沒關係，晚上睡覺前再拖就好。沒有辦法做不同的菜色，那就固定吃咖哩飯或者義大利麵。衣服沒有辦法天天洗，那就隔天洗。總之，這段時間，我的角色就是"儘力陪伴孩子"，其他的都可以忍受。
堅持日常作息規律。因為爸爸不在家已經是一個變數，我希望孩子在這段時間不要有太多生活的改變，就是所謂的"該幹嘛，就幹嘛"。平日因為要上課，所以日常規律都很一致；週末的時候，我們的日常行程和爸爸在的時候，幾乎是一樣的。 早上去河濱公園滑滑板車，去動物園看動物或者去家裡附近爬山；回家午休；下午在家一起烘培或者畫畫；洗澡；一起備菜做飯；吃飯，和爸爸視訊電話，讀故事書，睡覺。
一起發現生活中的小美好。在這段時間，孩子的情緒是我最在意的。儘管我和孩子們溝通了很多關於爸爸不在家的話題，一起讀繪本讓孩子認識這個改變，但是孩子的情緒是真實的。這時候，我只能同理孩子的心裡感受，並且告訴孩子：雖然有時候我們沒有辦法改變現狀，我們只能接受，但是我們可以選擇不同的心情去接受。 比如說，有時候，哥哥會因為想爸爸而難過，我會同理他感受，並且告訴他爸爸也很想他，爸爸也是盡全力快回到我們的身邊。等哥哥情緒穩定後，我會和他說，我們可以選擇一個快樂的方式去想爸爸，比如說一起去看看窗戶外的月亮，又大又圓的像一個笑臉，和爸爸在德國看到的月亮是一樣的。孩子看到的是笑臉的月亮這個生活中的小美好。
當然，在這段時間，我真心謝謝我的朋友們，不斷為我打氣；或者是安排一些孩子聚會的場合，讓媽媽在單獨育兒的道路上，不曾感到孤單。
***
Time flies; it is already the end of April. In Taiwan, it also means that summer is approaching.
In the past four months, we have experienced many dark parenting moments. But along the way, we are always trying to discover the light that leads us through the darkness.
In January, we learned that oma's health (grandma) in Germany had deteriorated. Considering that the pandemic is still very intense in Europe, our two children are still too young and many things. We decided that papa should go home by himself. This means that, including the quarantine time, we will not see him for a month. It also means that I will be "single-parenting" for a long time. It just so happens that F would be attending kindergarten during that time, and H would also start half-day at the daycare. So for our children, there will be a lot of significant changes. Honestly, I was really nervous even before my husband's departure. I worry that I will freak out when I am alone with the children due to tiredness and stress.
Unexpectedly, I "survived," and our children are relatively stable. How to do it? In fact, it's not really a "magic trick," just some "old" methods:
Trust yourself. Knowing that many people experience the same thing besides you. You are not the first one and will not be the last. You can do it! Before my husband left, I posted a post on FB to express my anxiety. Surprisingly, some of my friends replied and told me that they have been doing single parenting due to the pandemic. If they can, so should I.
Relax and accept imperfections. While we are doing parenting, there are always many other household chores to do. During that period, I keep my bottom line lower. For example, if I don't mop the floor after eating, it's okay; I can do it before bedtime. If I can not cook different dishes, then let's stick to the curry rice or pasta. If I can not washcloths every day, I wash them every other day. My role is "to be with the children as much as possible."
Stick to daily routines. Because papa is not at home is already a change for our children. I am very keen on sticking to the daily routine to provide security as much as possible. Because children attend classes on weekdays, our daily routines are very consistent; on weekends, our daily schedule is almost the same as when papa is here. Our weekend routines: We will go to the riverside park to skateboard, go to the zoo or go hiking near home in the mornings; Lunch and nap; Bake or art session in the afternoon; Take a bath; Prepare food and cook together; Dinner, video call with papa, read storybooks and go to bed.
Discover the little beauty in life together. During this time, my children's emotions are what I care about most. Although my children and I communicated a lot about their father's absence and reading picture books together to let the children realize this change, their emotions are real. I can only empathize with the children's feelings and explain them: Although sometimes we cannot change the situation, we can choose how to accept it. For example, sometimes, my elder son F will feel sad because he misses his father. I will empathize with his feelings and tell him that his father also misses him so much that he will do his best to return home as soon as possible. After F calms down, I will tell him that we can choose a happy mind to think about papa. For example, we will check out the moon from the window together, which is big and round like a smiling face, and it is the same moon that papa will see in Germany.
During this time, I sincerely thank my friends for constantly cheering me up; or arranging playdates for our children. It does matter to me as I never felt lonely during the single-parenting journey.
