孩子鬧脾氣時該怎麼辦，就像你可能聽過數千遍？How to handle the child's tantrum, like you may have heard thousands of times?
老實說，我們都是人，當孩子不停尖叫長達30分鐘時，沒有誰可以忍受。你想快點安撫他，但他卻不領情。你想讓他平靜下來，但是你不知道該怎麼做。你被孩子搞的精疲力竭，壓力重重，煩躁不安又無助。
如果你在這種情況下，腦子仍可迸出曾經學過的有效育兒技巧，那麼太好了，趕緊用起來！但如果你半點都想不起來，沒關係，以下方法提供給你參考，讓你知道如何應付孩子的脾氣。
規則1：深呼吸，喝一口水，給予自己正確的期望值。
告訴自己：「誰都會有情緒，情緒會消退，我只需要保持冷靜，就可以處理它。」
規則2：放低身姿（將自己的身體與孩子齊平）並保持冷靜。
當我們用以上對下、比較高姿態的獨裁者姿勢與孩子交談時，孩子會感受到很強烈的威脅感。當孩子感受到威脅，「戰、逃或屈服」是大腦給予身體的反射動作。如此一來，孩子無法從邏輯上思考，因為他們的大腦接受到的訊息是有危險的情況要應付，所以孩子本能地會以具攻擊性的言語或行動來表現；有些孩子會退縮；有些孩子可能會逃避。
規則3：重新了解並認識當下你的孩子。
過去在企業中從事人力資源工作時，常使用赫曼全腦優勢評量工具(Hermann Brain Dominance Instrument，簡稱HBDI)，這是一套系統化評量思考偏好的工具。 HBDI將大腦分為四個象限。每個象限代表大腦不同區域：邏輯、調理規則、感覺、直覺。每個人的大腦都具備這些象限，但不同人在思考時會根據自身偏好，偏向某種思考模式，這是很細微的潛意識認知。運用這套系統理論，幫助我在一定程度上與人們有效地交流和合作。
當我閱讀Daniel J. Siegel和Tina Payne Bryson撰寫的Whole Brain Child （中文版：《教孩子跟情緒做朋友：不是孩子不乖，而是他的左右腦處於分裂狀態！(0~12歲的全腦情緒教養法)》，地平線文化出版）一書，以及參加「全腦情緒教養法」技巧講習班時，也發現了異曲同工之妙。
書中的「全腦情緒教養法」告訴我們，大腦分為左右和上下：左腦主掌邏輯，右腦控制情緒。 上層腦是大腦皮質區，負責語言、思考、情緒管理，要到25歲才會發育成熟。下層腦是腦幹，負責呼吸、心跳等基本生存機能。此區域負責處理人體接收到的信號，觸發行為或反射動作，和情緒也息息相關。
對於6歲以下的兒童來說，情緒常由下層腦所引發，波動起伏較大。
所以了解你的孩子思考模式與情緒狀態非常重要。了解他/她的大腦正在運作的是哪一部分才可以相對應作出合理且適宜的回應。
黃金法則：請不要用你的下層腦來應對孩子！如果你的大腦剛好也在下層腦運作，最好將自己於當下狀況抽離，冷靜一下，或者請別人幫助。
規則4：接受當下大家的情緒，與孩子連結並導向正確情緒方向。
同理心：當你情緒崩潰時，你不會喜歡他人告訴你該怎麼做，或者跟你解釋原因，對吧。兒童也是如此。
嘗試用右腦與孩子應對，更簡單來說，先接受孩子的情緒。你可以說：「你感到難過，沒關係，有我在」；或是問孩子：「我可以抱抱你嗎？」、「我知道你很難過，我在這裡陪你好嗎？還是在外面等你？」孩子可能不會立即回答你，但你可以多重複幾遍。有些時候，你可能也會沒耐心，不過你可以這麼告訴孩子：「我知道你在生氣。你好像不想要我在這裡陪你，我也開始失去耐心了。但你要知道我很愛你，我會在外面（或是特定的地方）等你，等你冷靜一點的時候，我們再來談。」
一旦孩子冷靜下來了，能夠控制好自己的情緒了，你可以透過理性的教導和自律建立，和孩子的左腦建立連結。如果他再次情緒潰堤怎麼辦？那就再一次用你的右腦與孩子的右腦連結。
規則5：幫助孩子進行左右腦與上下腦的連結，長遠來看可以減少孩子發脾氣的頻率。
對於6歲以下的小孩而言，他們能夠理解如何運用上層腦？這是值得投入時間和努力的嗎？我會說是的！但是身為父母，必須要有極佳的耐性，因為上層大腦要到25歲才發育完成。
當孩子冷靜下來的時候，幫助孩子回顧剛剛發生的事情。你可以簡單地訴說發生了什麼事，以及在不帶情緒和批判心的情況下討論孩子是如何反應的，然後試問：「我們應該怎麼做？」、「下一次我們怎麼做才會更好？」「你想要A還是B？」 （要留意，向孩子提出選擇建議前，請確保A和B都是合適的選擇）。你也可以嘗試看看用討論的形式或商談妥協。
想了解更多關於「全腦情緒教養法」的資訊，可以點此連結：
https://www.drdansiegel.com/pdf/Refrigerator%20Sheet--WBC.pdf
We all are human beings, and no one can be chilled when a child screams nonstop for 30 minutes. You want to end it fast, but your child does not; you want to help him, but you do not know how. You are exhausted, under stress, irritated, and helpless.
If this happens to you, and you can still somehow remember some useful parenting tips, then congratulations! But if you do not retain any parenting tips, and want to tackle the situation, here are some guiding steps.
Rule No.1: BREATH and drink a sip of water, then set your expectations right.
Tell yourself that "tantrum will happen, and it will go. I need to be calm, and we will go through it".
Rule No.2: GET LOW (lower down your body to his/her level) and STAY CALM
When we speak to our child from an authoritarian posture, standing above looking down, it will trigger his/her brain feeling threatened. "Fight, flight or freeze" is the response in the toddler's brain when they feel threatened. Rather than thinking logically in the situation, your child's brain learns that there is a severe problem that needs to be tackled, and the survival mode is turned on instinctively. Some children may respond with angry words or actions; some may hold back, and some children may walk away or hide.
Rule No. 3: Know who you are dealing with!
When I worked in the human resource field for corporations, one of the cognitive measurement models I ever used is the Herrmann Brain Dominance Instrument (HBDI), which describes thinking/working preferences in people. HBDI divides the brain into four quadrants. Each quadrant represents a different function of the brain: Analytical, Practical, Relational, Experimental. While everybody has these quadrants, the model advocates that we all have a preferred way of thinking without even realizing it. This tool helps me to communicate and work with people effectively at a certain level.
When I read the "Whole Brain Child," written by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, and attended some local workshops offering to practice the Whole Brain Child techniques, I found some similarities during practices.
According to the "Whole Brain Child," the brain is divided into "left and right brain" and "upstairs and downstairs brain": the left brain controls logical thinking, and the right brain controls emotions. The upstairs brain refers to the frontal cortex, which makes decisions and balances the emotions, and is under construction until the mid-twenties. The downstairs brain refers to the primitive/reptilian brain. It is responsible for autonomic functions like breathing and heart rate. This area is responsible for processing signals that we receive from our bodies, which may trigger actions or reactions. It often involves a lot of emotions, as well.
For children under six years old, emotions often come and go, and very often are triggered by the "downstairs brain."
So, know your child's status, try to understand which part of his/her brain is working now, and then prepare your strategy accordingly.
*GOLDEN RULE: Never use your downstairs brain to tackle the child's tantrum triggered by his/her downstairs brain! If you are also in the downstairs brain, you should pause and reset, or ask someone to help.
Rule No. 4: Acknowledge the feeling from both sides, connect with the child, and redirect!
Put yourself into your child's shoes: when you are in the middle of emotional breakdowns, you do not like anyone telling you what to do or explaining to you why you are upset or irritated. The same applied to children.
Use your right brain to connect with his/her right brain. You can acknowledge the child's feelings. You can say: "You are upset, I am here"; or ask the child: "You are upset, shall we hug?", "You are upset, I understand. Shall I stay here with you, or shall I wait for you outside?"
You may not hear the answer immediately, but you can still repeat it calmly. To some extreme level, you may start losing your patience; then, you can tell your child that "You are upset, and I hear you. It seems like you do not want me to be here. I am also starting to lose patience. I love you, but I will be outside (a specific place) waiting for you. When you are ready, I am there waiting for you. "
Once your child is calm and more in control, you can help him/her to connect with the left brain by explaining the lessons or disciplines. What if he/she melts down again? Then bring your right brain back again and connect with his/her right brain.
Rule No. 5: Help the child to connect with the brain (left and right, upstairs and downstairs), and it may help to avoid the tantrums in the long run.
For a little child under 6, is it worthy of working on the upstairs brain? Does he/she understand? I would say yes! As parents must be patient, do remember that the upstairs brain is under construction until 25 years old.
Just help the child to reflect on what happened when he/she is chilled. You can discuss what happened and how the child reacted without judgment/emotion. Then ask questions like "What should we do?", "What should we do next time?" Provide options like "Would you like A or B?" (but first make sure that both A and B are comfortable for you before suggesting them to your child) and sometimes discuss or negotiate.
For more tips regarding "the whole-brain child," you can visit https://www.drdansiegel.com/pdf/Refrigerator%20Sheet--WBC.pdf.