疫情下的新生活--分享給工作媽媽的話A new life norm during the pandemic -for working mothers

在這特殊時期，大家的生活步調每天都被改變，與此同時每天我們都在迎接許多未知，這些無法自我掌控的改變和未知在某程度上帶給了我們很多的恐懼與不安。

台灣現在進入了大範圍的社區感染，比海外慢了一整年。從上禮拜六開始，雙北開始了三級戒備，大家準備了在家防疫新生活，包括在家辦公、避免與其他人見面，甚至是讓孩子自行停課避免群聚。面對突然的改變，改變了大家原有的生活秩序，作為媽媽，尤其是需要工作的媽媽，如何適應這種新的改變？

對於我們而言，這一切也許這是很新，但是對於海外的媽媽而言，這樣的生活已經過了一整年，因此我請教了幾位在職場上都很有作為的海外職業媽媽，她們是如何安排他們的生活，如何盡可能地平衡在家「工作」與「育兒」。

1. 發現並懂得安撫自己的情緒

因為這一切都是「變」，是「移動的目標」，和我們平時的處事模式不再一樣，所以會產生不安的感覺。當自己有壓力和不安的時候，身邊又多了一個或者是多個「很鬧的孩子」，情緒很容易會被挑動起來。

這時候，更需要及時地發現和接受自己的情緒，盡可能地提醒自己生活「在當下」。每當快要生氣 hold 不住的時候，提醒自己把注意力放在呼吸的鼻子上，隨著每個吸氣和呼氣，去感受當下的力量。

保持一個每天讓自己快樂的習慣吧，可以是沖一杯熱咖啡，或者是進行睡前30分鐘瑜伽冥想。

2. 與孩子一同建立生活新常規

對於新的生活模式，孩子也需要很大的支持去適應新的生活常規，爸爸媽媽需要在短時間內幫助孩子建立這種新的生活常規。最簡單地方式，就是沿用以前上學的生活常規，該什麼時候起床、運動、讀書、吃飯，就按什麼方式在家生活。一起建立大家新的生活常規，孩子適應力是很強大的，所以，我們要相信孩子可以做到。

3. 接受不完美

當我和海外的媽媽聊天，請教在這段在家辦公育兒的過程中，有沒有 "tips" 可以分享的時候，他們共同的回答都是：「沒有（笑）」幾乎就是開啟求生模式，相信「關關難過，關關過。」但是她們一致認為，在所有的事情上，降低期望值，接受不完美，生活就會過得比較輕鬆。

4. 凡事盡力，不過份執著與比較

在工作上，尤其是在家辦公育兒的過程中，其實很難做到持續不間斷工作 8 小時，並付出 100% 的專注；但是這不代表，妳不可以做到 100% 的成績。我們需要不斷地和自己、主管、同事溝通，讓大家知道和明白，也許無法有和正常上班有一樣的工作時數與專注度，但是妳可以做出 100% 的成績。在這時間，performance matter 績效最重要，而不需要過度在意工作的時間，做自己能做的，把能做的部分做到最好，不須過分執著與他人比較。

5. 找尋 support net，依據妳的資源做溝通協調

• 如果妳家裡是有後援可以幫忙，妳可以和孩子溝通並一起設立共同工作的界線。 比如說，妳哪一個時段需要在自己的房間工作、哪個時間段可以陪孩子一起玩。請後援幫忙在妳工作的時段帶孩子，並協助處理其他家中雜事。
• 如果妳家裡沒有後援幫忙，這時候，妳需要和伴侶溝通，如何互相支持。在什麼時間妳需要工作，開會，他來顧小孩；什麼時候他需要工作，你來顧小孩。甚至是可以趁孩子午休，晚上睡覺的時間來增加工作強度。
• 如果妳家裡沒有後援幫忙，除了工作外，妳還需要做飯，整理家務等雜事的時候，其實這些事情是可以邀請孩子一起來幫忙。對於小小孩（0-6歲）而言，家裡的「工作（打掃、洗衣、做飯）」其實就是「玩」，在蒙特梭利教育裡，這也是「學習工作」的一部分。雖然一開始會很混亂，但是會慢慢變好，這也是親子時光的一部分。

雖然這段時間對於爸爸媽媽來說，會是非常難熬，但是也會是非常難得的一段親子時間，我們能做的，就是 "hold your head up, up and up" 。對於孩子而言，多年後，他們不會記得疫情有多難，但是會記得，這段和爸爸媽媽獨處的時間。

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As Taiwan elevates to level three out of four scales for the Covit situation, many people's lives are affected at a different level. The unknown, uncertainty and changes have brought us many fear, anxiety, and frustration.

While Europe and the US seem to resume normality gradually, Taiwan is heading to the worst community outbreak since the Pandemic started. Since last Saturday, Taipei and New Taipei Cities started a three-level alert. Everyone is suggested to stay at home trying to prevent the spread of the virus, including working from home, avoiding meeting with others, and school closure. The change happened so fast and suddenly. As a mother, especially a mother who needs to work, how can we adapt to this new change?

For us in Taiwan, all of this may sound very new. Still, for mothers in Europe, the US, or elsewhere, this kind of life has gone through a whole year. So I consulted several mothers who live outside of Taiwan and are very career-driven in the workplace: "How do they arrange their lives and how to balance "work" and "childcare" at home as much as possible.

1. Aware and acknowledge your feeling and emotions

All of these are "changes," they are, in other words as "moving targets". How we work now is different from how we used to work, which may pressure us. When an adult is stressed and uneasy and has one or more "noisy children" around him/her, the adult can easily be agitated.

All you can do is to aware and acknowledge your emotions and remind yourself as much as possible to live in " the moment." Whenever you are about to get angry, remind yourself to focus on breathing, to feel the power of the moment with each inhalation and exhalation.

Keep a habit of making yourself feel good every day. It can be a cup of hot coffee or a 30-minute yoga meditation before going to bed.

2. Establish a new life routine with the child

For the new life norm, children also need tremendous support to adapt to the new life routine. Parents need to help their children establish this new life routine in a short time. The easiest way is to follow the daily routine of the school: get up, eat and play around at a similar time. Establishing new life routines for everyone together, children are very resilient, we should believe that our children can adapt to it.

3. Accept imperfections

When I talked with the overseas mothers and asked if there are any "tips" to share for handling both work and parenting during this "stay-at-home" time, their typical answer was: "No (laugh)." They shared with me frankly that they live in the survival mode; they can only hope that "it will pass one day," in the meanwhile, lower expectations and accept imperfections, and life will be easier.

4. Do your best without being overly persistent and comparing

At work, especially in working at home with children, it is challenging to work continuously for 8 hours and pay 100% of concentration; but this does not mean that you cannot achieve 100%. We need to constantly communicate with ourselves, supervisors, and colleagues to let everyone know and understand that we may not have the same working hours and concentration as usual work, but we can achieve 100% results. During this time, performance matters, but time does not. Communicate, do what you can do, do it with your best when you can, don't compare with others, and overburden yourself.

5. Find a support net, communicate and coordinate according to your resources

If you have support at home to help, you can communicate with your children and set the boundaries of joint work together. For example, when do you need to work in your room and play with your children. Delegate housework and childcare to your support when you can.

If you don't have support at home at this time, you need to communicate with your partner and how to support each other. When you need work or join meetings, he will take care of the child; when he needs work, you will take care of the child. You can even take advantage of your child's nap time and sleep at night to increase work intensity.

If you don't have support at home, in addition to work, you still need to cook, organize housework, and other chores. It will probably be easier than you can invite your children to help. For small children (0-6 years old), the "work (cleaning, washing, cooking)" at home is actually "playing." In Montessori education, this is also part of the "practical work." Although it will be chaotic at first, it will gradually get better, which could be quality parent-child time.

Although this time will be challenging for many parents, it will also be an excellent parent-child bonding time. What we as parents can do is to "hold your head up, up and up." Many years later, children will not remember how difficult the Pandemic was, but they will remember the time spent alone with their parents.

Photo by Brian Wangenheim on Unsplash