關於媽媽這個角色 about Mama this role

👪 💐 💌 關於媽媽這個身分， 那些沒有人告訴你的事情。 "養兒方知父母恩"這句話，沒有當過爸爸媽媽的，是不會真正了解這句話中藏著的酸甜苦辣。當了媽媽後，才發現"媽媽"這個角色，真的是很偉大。 我愛我的小孩，也很享受當媽媽這個角色。

在我成長過程中，不斷有人和我說：當媽媽很偉大，當媽媽很辛苦，當媽媽很有成就感等等，其實這些話對我而言，非常虛無飄渺。很多事情也可以讓你變得很偉大和很有成就感！世界上什麼工作不辛苦？！ 只是，從來沒有人和我說"媽媽"這個角色真正意味了什麼。 

🧚‍♀️愛和自由 當小孩子從你的身體裡來到在這個世界後，你的人生會從此改變。這是真的！你會瞬間失去所謂的"自由"。 小孩子要喝奶，要換尿布，要睡覺等等，縱使你有神隊友或者是很大的互助網，你的自由或者說"自由的心"會被改變，會被變成"相對的自由"。 在我還沒有成為媽媽的時候，晚上要約朋友吃飯，上班需要臨時加班，我只需要告知我先生，我就可以做我的事情。因為那都是關於"我"。 夫妻倆要出去旅行，可以是花一週時間飛去加拉帕戈斯群岛潛水或者是背著背包上珠峰。成為媽媽後，在孩子還小的這幾年，這種"臨時"的行程，是不可能發生。因為，你還有人要照顧或者安排照顧。 但是，看著孩子成長，確實心裡是有一種平靜的滿足。 你看到孩子從完全依賴地狀態，到自己可走可跳，從媽媽抱抱到"我要自己走"。這種快樂，來得簡單，來得幸福。 

💼職場In & out 對於很多女性來說，尤其是職場女性，生孩子後的改變是巨大的。 來聽聽我怎麼說！ 在我沒有生孩子前，職業發展幾乎是我人生中最大的一個部分。認識我的人應該是知道，我在職場上發展得很好。

在來台灣前，我曾經是美國納斯達克上市公司的人資部門中，管理某個處（function)的全球處長；也是某大基金公司的歐洲區人資總監。這些職位帶給我很多很美好的經驗，資源網和實質性的報酬（豐厚的薪資）。當時，雖然已經結婚，但是我還是一個人啊，要衝要拼，我都可以。要臨時飛去某國談判，或者是加班到凌晨開會，這些難不倒我。

甚至，在我讀MBA的時候，我還在想，為什麼要有"woman in business職場女性"這些群組，我們不是和男性一樣地在同一起跑線嗎？！ 

生完小孩子後，天啊，我太天真！ 就算我多開放性思維，多支持女性。在沒有成為媽媽前，我是感受不到這些壓力。 

在亞洲，當然你可以請"保姆"或者"阿公阿嬤"來幫忙；或者是把孩子送"托嬰中心"。但是公司和大環境的政策不靈活，對媽媽的支持很少，導致很多媽媽一直在做"兩難"的選擇。比如說，如果要發展職業，我必須要付出更多，在職場上要跟多地參與；但是現實是我必須要下午4點，最晚6點接孩子回家，所以我只能二選一。 如果我想陪伴孩子出生的第一二年，我的職業發展生涯就被斷層了，後面要追很難追啊，甚至可能變成"職場絕緣人"，所以要休假還是不休假？！或者上班的薪資幾乎是交給托育中心，換來又是陪孩子的時間減少，值得不值得。 

如果在職場上，這些媽媽們看不到自己在公司的未來，家裡有條件的話，就選擇離職。慢慢地，變成全職媽媽，創業媽媽或者停頓後再回職場。如果家裡條件不允許，就是經常"蠟燭兩頭燒"。這些矛盾，沒有燒到自己身上的時候，你是不會覺得難。 所以，如果你也是女性，請多多理解和支持你的女性朋友和同事，因為有一天，你也可能變成其中一人；如果你是男性，同理，也許，你的太太會變成其中一人；如果你是管理者，我歡迎你來和我聊聊，我們怎麼可以把企業文化和政策變得更"媽媽友善"，你是可以改變的那一位。我們需要的是，一個支持互助網。 

💞一輩子的甜蜜和擔憂，永遠地"學習放手"的學問 "父母與孩子的愛是唯一指向分離的愛" 聽了這句話，你是不是和我一樣，有種淡淡地哀愁。這種"甜和擔憂的負擔"會伴隨者你一輩子。 確實是，孩子的成長，就是慢慢走向獨立的過程。他們對爸爸媽媽的依賴，也會逐漸地變得越來越少。他借助我"給予"他的工具，去探索，發現他的人生。 而我們作為爸爸媽媽，就是不斷地在學習"放手"，就算再擔心，再害怕，我們也必須學習怎麼找到這個平衡。 說不擔心孩子，這是不可能。只是我們要怎麼擔心而已。孩子生病的時候，就算你再怎麼生病，你還是會堅持扛著，希望孩子身體快好。就算孩子再怎麼惹你生氣，那一句"媽媽，抱抱"，你還是會心甘情願地去抱著他。孩子飛得再遠，你還是會心裡一直想著他。

 因此，是否做爸媽，真的是個人選擇及伴侶雙方的共同責任。真心話，你永遠都沒有準備好的時候。

只是，人生就是不斷在做優先選擇。一旦選擇了【做父母】這條路，我希望你可以和我一樣，在育兒這條路上，縱然有苦，但是可以一直提醒自己，我們有資格享受每個當下，和孩子快樂的每個當下。 

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👪 💐 💌About motherhood, things that no one told you.

The phrase "raising a child knows your own parents' kindness" those who have not been parents will not truly understand the ups and downs hidden in this sentence. After becoming a mother, I discovered that the role of "mother" is challenging and amazing.

I love my children, and I also enjoy the role of being a mother. When I was growing up, people kept telling me: being a mother is great, being a mother is very hard, being a mother is very fulfilling, etc. These words are very illusory to me. Many things can also make you feel great and a sense of accomplishment! What kind of job is not hard? ! It's just that no one has ever told me what the role of "mother" really means.

🧚‍♀️Love and freedom

It is indisputable that once you are a mother, your life is forever changed! You will instantly lose the so-called "freedom." Even though you have great support at home, your freedom becomes "relatively" not "absolutely."

Before I became a mother, If I need to work late or go out for a drink, I need to inform my husband because it's all about "me." If my husband and I decided to travel, we could take a spontaneous trip. After becoming a mother, this kind of "spontaneous" becomes impossible. Because you still have someone to take care of or arrange to be taken care of.

However, watching the child grow up, there is indeed a kind of peaceful satisfaction in my heart. This kind of happiness is simple and peaceful.

💼 Career In & out

For many women, especially women in the workplace, the changes after giving birth are massive.

Before I had children, career development was almost the most significant part of my life. Before moving to Taiwan, I used to be the global director of a NASDAQ listed company, and I dedicated 100% to my job. My job has brought me a lot of wonderful experience, a network of resources, and substantial remuneration (excellent salary). Even when I was studying for an MBA, I wondered why there are groups called "women in business"? Aren't we on the same page as men?!

After having my children, my God, I was so naive! Even if I am open-minded and supportive, I couldn't feel these pressures simply not being a mother.

In Asia, of course, you can have a lot of help, e.g., "nanny," "daycare," or "grandparents." However, society and company policies are not flexible, and there is rare support for mothers, which has forced mothers to make "dilemma" choices. For example, if I want to develop my career, I have to participate more in the workplace. Still, the reality is that I have to pick up my children at 4 pm, at the latest at 6 pm, so I can only choose one of the two. . If I want to be there for my child in the first or two years, it meant that I would be off from work, and it will be challenging to rejoin afterward. Worst, some mothers have simply no choice but constantly make the hard decision daily.

Therefore, if you are also a female, please understand and support your female friends and colleagues because you may become one of them one day. If you are a male, similarly be supportive. Maybe, your wife will become one of them. If you are a manager who can impact, I welcome you to come and talk with me, how we can change the corporate culture and policies more "mother-friendly."

💞The sweetness and worry of a lifetime, the balance of "enabling and letting go."

"The love between parents and children is the only love that points to separation." After hearing these words, are you just like me, with a kind of sorrow. This "sweet and worrying burden" will accompany you for a lifetime.

Indeed, the growth of a child is a process of slowly moving towards independence. Their dependence on parents will gradually become less and less.

As parents, we are constantly learning to "let go." No matter how afraid we are, we must learn how to find this balance.

It's impossible to say that you don't worry about your children. No matter how far the child develops, you know that you are there for him/her.

Indeed becoming a parent is a personal choice and the joint and committed responsibilities of both partners. You will never be ready to be a parent, and life is about constantly making choices. Once we choose the path of "being the parent," although it may be challenging along the journey, we can always remind ourselves that we are enough to enjoy every moment, the moment of happiness with our children.