作為爸媽我們也有我們"沒有辦法" 的時候 It's ok to be not ok!

這是一個非常艱難的時期，不管對於我們成人，還是孩子。 對於成人來說，也許妳需要在狹小的空間和孩子共處並居家辦公，或者是日復一日地"一打二"生活，或者因為沒有後援需要停職照顧孩子，或者是單親家庭因為無人照顧孩子，但是又不得不工作，一直在掙扎生活和育兒。因為社交限制缺少和外界溝通舒壓，加上一堆家務事，育兒困擾，工作財務壓力等等，這段時間以來，壓力就如一座大山，壓得妳喘不過氣。

對於孩子來說，他們的世界也發生了天翻地覆的改變。根據國外"Save the Children（救助兒童會）"調查研究，生活在 COVID-19 封城、社交限制和學校停課下的兒童中，幾乎有四分之一正在應對焦慮情緒，其中許多人面臨著持續心理困擾的風險，包括抑鬱症。在救助兒童會最近對美國、德國、芬蘭、西班牙和英國的 6000 多名兒童和父母進行的調查中，高達 65% 的兒童在無聊和孤立感中掙扎。 所以，在這段時間，我們（不管大人還是孩子）的首要任務是，安全並且健康地生存和生活下來，關於在家學習（home schooling)，盡量保持"輕鬆"的態度去面對。 輕鬆並不代表"不尊重"，並不代表"不認真"。作為成人，我們可以做的事：給予孩子，多一份關懷，和多一份理解。 

Remote learning/遠距離學習甚至工作，其實對於成人來說， 也是一個挑戰。根據大多數研究，普通成年人的最大注意力持續時間約為 20 分鐘。雖然部分個人可以選擇重複地將注意力重新集中在同一活動上，但發生注意力不集中是正常的。 將心比心，對於孩子而言，持續，長時間的線上學習，缺乏同儕互動，缺乏室外/大肢體活動，甚至是對於某些學科活動缺乏興趣，要一直坐在電腦前學習，其實是更大的挑戰，"專心"的持續時間會更短！ 

🚼對於0-4歲的孩子，其實網上課程更多的是給爸爸媽媽一個喘息的時間和機會，所以如果孩子真的無法在電腦/手機/平板前坐下來好好上課，那就隨他吧，可以提前下線。 

👶對於4-6歲的孩子（也許對於某些3歲的孩子），網上課程在很大的程度上，是學校作息時間的延伸，是師生的交流，和同儕的互動的機會。這時候，孩子需要成人引導，讓孩子理解"尊重，選擇和負責"。如：如果想要上課，請坐好上課；如果不想上課，請離開；把選擇的權利還給孩子。 

👦對於6歲以上的孩子，網上的課程是學校課程完全延伸，真正的"停課不停學"。這時候對於那些不得不上的課程，家長更多的是了解孩子的意願，並且進行溝通：孩子無法靜心上網課的原因，解釋孩子關係利弊, 和孩子做出妳好，我好，老師也好的三贏應對方式。 雖然，居家防疫的生活也許會被拉長，但是停課轉線上學習的過程對於孩子的整個學習生涯來說，會是很短的一部分。如果因為孩子對上網課不專心，家長擔心學校會認為家長對孩子不負責任，而一直盯著孩子學習，甚至"唸/罵"孩子 ，那麼，贏得了形式（讓孩子不開心地坐在電腦前完成課程），磨滅了孩子對學習的興趣，輸了親子關係，真的值得嗎？ 

當然學校的老師真的很不容易，在這麼艱難的時期，還一直安排活動/課程，和應對一些非講理的家長（安排課程少會抱怨，課程多也會抱怨）。 

尊重，不在於形式，更多的是將心比心的問候和理解。請記住，在這非常時期，我們作為爸爸媽媽，真的不是神力超人。我們也有我們"沒有辦法" 的時候，it is ok to be NOT ok! 🤗 

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Staying at home with children during the pandemic is challenging, whether for us adults or children. For us as adults, you may live with our children in a small space while couping with homeschooling and work from home, or you may need to take a break from work to take care of your children, or you are a single-parent family trying hard to keep work and parenting under "control." Additionally, due to the social restrictions, lack of communication with the outside world to relieve stress, coupled with a lot of housework, partner problems, work, and financial pressure, etc., it is simply too much to take all.

For our children, their world has also changed drastically. According to a foreign "Save the Children" survey, almost a quarter of children living in COVID-19 lockdowns, social restrictions, and school closures are coping with anxiety. Many of them face the risk of persistent psychological distress, including depression. In a recent "Save the Children" survey of more than 6,000 children and parents in the United States, Germany, Finland, Spain, and the United Kingdom, up to 65% of children struggled with boredom and isolation. Therefore, during this particular period, our first task (regardless of whether adults or children) is to survive and live safely and healthily.

Regarding homeschooling, parents can try to maintain a "relaxed" attitude. Being relaxed does not mean "disrespect"; it does not mean "not serious." As parents, what we can do: give our children more care and more understanding.

Remote learning/distance learning or even remote working is a challenge for adults. According to most studies, the maximum attention span of an average adult is about 20 minutes. Although some individuals may choose to refocus their attention on the same activity repeatedly, it is normal for inattention to occur. For our children, whole-day online learning, lack of peer interaction, lack of outdoor/major physical activities, and even lack of interest in certain subject activities, all of above create challenges for them to be "concentrative" during online learning.

🚼For children aged 0-4, online courses are more of a "time-out" opportunity for parents, so if the child really can't sit down in front of the computer/mobile phone/tablet and continue the class, we can excuse the teacher and "leave" the course.

👶For children aged 4-6 (perhaps for some 3-year-old children), online courses are primarily an extension of school work and rest time, an opportunity for teacher-student communication and interaction with peers. Children need adult guidance during the online classes to let them understand "respect, make a choice, and take responsibility." For example: if you want to go to class, please sit down and go to class; if you don't want to go to class, please leave; if you want to join the course, then take the responsibility to finish it.

👦For children over six years old, the online course is a complete extension of the school curriculum. It may means that "no suspension of classes." At this time, for those courses that have to be taken, parents should understand and communicate more about their children's frustration: the reasons children wouldn't take lessons online, explain the children's pros and cons, and support them to make a mutually beneficial solution.

Although the social distance/homeschooling policy may be extended due to the pandemic, online learning during the pandemic will be a short part of the child's entire learning career. If parents worry that the school will think that the parent is irresponsible to the child, keep pushing the child to study, or even "scolding" the child, the child may sit at the computer finishing the classes, but feel hurt from the parents and no longer engaged in learning. Is it worth it?

Of course, the school's teachers also have a hard time now. In such a difficult period, they have been arranging activities/courses and dealing with some unreasonable parents (if there are few courses, they will complain, and when there are more courses, they will also complain).

Respect is not about the form but also about understanding and accepting. Please remember that in this extraordinary period, we, as parents, are not superheroes. We also have our "can not" moment. It is ok to be NOT ok! 🤗

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash