溝通的藝術The art of communication
4W1H是代表？ 其實是英文中的" What, who, when, where, and how." 開始的問句 （直譯為：發生了什麼時候，誰，什麼時候，什麼地方以及如何發生"）。
I am not an expert in communication; I do not have specific tactics to share with you about communicating with your partner or your children. Your partner and children will listen to you. But I would like to share what I have learned about communication over the past 15 years as an HR and as a certified NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) coach, which may apply to parents.
During my past 15 years as HR, I specialized in the recruitment field. I interviewed many people for different positions in different countries. Whether the candidates are for CEO role or factory quality control specialists, whether they are German, French, Chinese, or Singaporean. Every person is unique. Each individual communicates differently, shaped by his/her personality, education, work experiences, and style preference. Therefore there is no one size fits all approach, particularly with your closed family.
However, I often heard partners complaining about each other because of miscommunication or parents not knowing what to talk about with children. Perhaps below a few "communication/interviewing tips" can help to do the icebreaker.
- Stay curious!
If you would like to know more about what happened to your partner and children during the day, you will need to stay truly curious. You are curious about what has happened and how it has happened to them during the day. You ask questions without any self-judgment or bias. You will be a good listener and ask relevant questions.
"Listen more than asking, ask more than saying your own opinions."
It's worth remembering that asking questions should happen at the right time means that the moment you ask is when your partner or child wants to share. Otherwise, the conversation will end soon, and your partner and child may feel pressured to answer questions.
- The 4W1H
We always try to ask open questions during interviews and avoid the "yes or no" closed questions because we want to find out more information and engage in conversations.
We can apply the same method for conversations with partners or children;
If you would like to know more about how they are doing during the day, using the 4W1H method may help start the conversation.
4W1H represents asking questions starting with "What, who, when, where, and how."
For example: How is your day? How is your project? What did you play at school?
- Try to avoid the "why" question!
When we ask the "why" question, it often leads people to start looking for reasons or even excuses for the answer, sometimes even for the sake of defending. Honestly, knowing these reasons will not positively promote the dialogue to go further but will complicate the situation.
For example: When a wife asks her husband, "Why did you do this?" She may want to know the situation, but the husband may feel questioned and challenged, so he starts to look for defense reasons. If both parties do not pay attention to the tone, a curious and straightforward question is likely to trigger a damaging communication storm.
If we don't ask "why," but we want to know why, how can we ask? Perhaps you can try to ask: "What made you decide to do this?"
- Finally, accept the fact that "there are some fundamental differences between the way men and women think and feel."
Although I am a firm believer and advocator in gender equality in the workplace, most men and women do think and feel different, particularly in the home setting,
Women are emotional and evocative by nature. When we tell our partners about our day or a situation that has happened, we merely want them to listen. We need to be heard, supported, and understood. We do not ask for suggestions or need criticism. Men are typically more analytical and pragmatic. When women talk about something frustrating, men's minds already start to develop questions, possibilities, and solutions to a problem that may not exist. Perhaps the above situation is more general; however, understanding these differences between partners can help communicate better. When you and your partner disagree or even argue in certain conditions, you may know that your partner cares about you. Only his/her way is different from what you expected.